It's Christmas Eve and there are plenty of things I'd rather be doing than writing, but I need to document what just happened before forgetting.
So a few foreigners in town decided to meet for a local Christmas Eve service. My "friends" never showed up, which meant I was left alone in a Korean Catholic church.
So a few foreigners in town decided to meet for a local Christmas Eve service. My "friends" never showed up, which meant I was left alone in a Korean Catholic church.
The service began traditionally, with the usual Christmas carols. I should note these carols were sung noraebang style, complete with music videos having nothing to do with Christmas and ajummas dancing in the pews.
After a full hour of caroling, it was time for the Christmas play. As the women next to me made their way to the stage, I realized that of the 30 people in the congregation, 24 of them were part of the play. I was sitting in the pews as an audience member, but developed stage fright because I felt like everyone was watching me.
The opening scene included some impressive acting, and I started getting sucked into the plot because every year I forget what happens. After the first act, a woman from the congregation took the microphone and told everyone to look for a number on our programs. I followed instructions and sure enough there was a number on my program. After noticing that every program number was different, it then occurred to me we were in the middle of a church raffle.
This lady started calling out numbers, and everyone around me including actors in the play started going to the stage to pick out presents. Everyone got prizes, everyone. Everyone but the foreigner. The play continued, but after each scene we raffled. The raffle became so serious I felt like the only purpose of the play was to give raffle lady a break.
The Christmas play ended and I still didn't have a gift. I wanted to say something but was distracted when the preacher's son walked in wearing his army uniform. The entire congregation applauded this man's entrance. Seconds after sitting down, the preacher's son's number was miraculously called. At this point I was growing suspicious of church raffle rigging, but before I could confirm my suspicion a large screen dropped down and we watched Youtube videos for the next 10 minutes.
Following the Youtube segment of our Christmas Eve service, the "random" raffle continued. We were now a solid 2 hours into the service, my friends still hadn't come, and I was now the only person in the entire church without a present. Finally my number was called and I marched to the stage to claim my gift: two rolls of paper towels. All the good gifts like the dish soap and laundry detergent were already taken.
As I admired my paper towels the play ended, and the very holy "Christmas Eve singing contest" began.
To choose contestants they used the same "random" number drawing system, while three judges sat in front of the stage to score each performer. It was like one of those X factor shows except there was no black judge.
I blatantly heard the raffle lady whisper my name to her friend before even drawing a number, and sure enough I'm called to the stage. The raffle lady cheated, in a church, on Christmas Eve, and I caught her doing it.
I feel like this story is lacking pictures, so here is the golf ball room at my parents house.
After a full hour of caroling, it was time for the Christmas play. As the women next to me made their way to the stage, I realized that of the 30 people in the congregation, 24 of them were part of the play. I was sitting in the pews as an audience member, but developed stage fright because I felt like everyone was watching me.
The opening scene included some impressive acting, and I started getting sucked into the plot because every year I forget what happens. After the first act, a woman from the congregation took the microphone and told everyone to look for a number on our programs. I followed instructions and sure enough there was a number on my program. After noticing that every program number was different, it then occurred to me we were in the middle of a church raffle.
This lady started calling out numbers, and everyone around me including actors in the play started going to the stage to pick out presents. Everyone got prizes, everyone. Everyone but the foreigner. The play continued, but after each scene we raffled. The raffle became so serious I felt like the only purpose of the play was to give raffle lady a break.
The Christmas play ended and I still didn't have a gift. I wanted to say something but was distracted when the preacher's son walked in wearing his army uniform. The entire congregation applauded this man's entrance. Seconds after sitting down, the preacher's son's number was miraculously called. At this point I was growing suspicious of church raffle rigging, but before I could confirm my suspicion a large screen dropped down and we watched Youtube videos for the next 10 minutes.
Following the Youtube segment of our Christmas Eve service, the "random" raffle continued. We were now a solid 2 hours into the service, my friends still hadn't come, and I was now the only person in the entire church without a present. Finally my number was called and I marched to the stage to claim my gift: two rolls of paper towels. All the good gifts like the dish soap and laundry detergent were already taken.
As I admired my paper towels the play ended, and the very holy "Christmas Eve singing contest" began.
To choose contestants they used the same "random" number drawing system, while three judges sat in front of the stage to score each performer. It was like one of those X factor shows except there was no black judge.
I blatantly heard the raffle lady whisper my name to her friend before even drawing a number, and sure enough I'm called to the stage. The raffle lady cheated, in a church, on Christmas Eve, and I caught her doing it.
I feel like this story is lacking pictures, so here is the golf ball room at my parents house.
After drawing my number "randomly" the lady forced me get on the stage and choose a song from a book of Korean hymns. I pointed to an unknown song title but recognized the melody, and sung Korea's version of "Noel" terribly. The judges were impressed with my flair and awarded me 3rd place despite poor vocals. In a moment of false confidence I strutted to the stage while the congregation chanted "Ok-Su-Su," my Korean name. For my efforts I was rewarded a two pack of fabric softener, which I proudly placed beside my paper towels after returning to the pew.
It was now prayer time, and I closed my eyes and prayed for the humiliation to end as the service approached the 4 hour mark. The preacher's son, who was sitting behind me, whispered in my ear "raise your hand." He was wearing his army uniform so I listened, unintentionally volunteering myself for a rock paper scissors contest. My opponent was roughly 80 years-old and it was obvious she was going to choose paper. I victoriously threw some scissors at her, which meant I had rights to take her gift. Stealing from an 80 year old woman on Christmas Eve didn't feel right, but the congregation peer pressured me into literally ripping a 30-pack of toilet tissue from her arms.
I added the toilet tissue to my growing pile of household goods and sat down ashamed. I don't need a 30-pack of toilet paper, I'm leaving Korea in 6 weeks and my toilet hasn't worked since November.
The service ended moments later, I gave the woman her toilet tissue back, kept the detergent and paper towels, then left to scold the same "friends" who ditched the service to begin with. I forgave them to honor the Christmas spirit.
My Christmas Eve ended at a convenience store where I ran into my friend Bum. After we went inside for no more than 2 minutes, Bum and I returned to his car to find a man asleep in the passengers seat. I thought Bum knew this man, so I got in the car. Bum thought I knew this man, so he got in too. He almost started driving when we realized nobody knew this man. There was a stranger sleeping in the passenger seat of Bum's car. We kicked him out to the tune of drunken slurs and Bum drove me home. A unique end to a unique night.
Merry Christmas everyone. If you need detergent or paper towels send me your mailing address.
It was now prayer time, and I closed my eyes and prayed for the humiliation to end as the service approached the 4 hour mark. The preacher's son, who was sitting behind me, whispered in my ear "raise your hand." He was wearing his army uniform so I listened, unintentionally volunteering myself for a rock paper scissors contest. My opponent was roughly 80 years-old and it was obvious she was going to choose paper. I victoriously threw some scissors at her, which meant I had rights to take her gift. Stealing from an 80 year old woman on Christmas Eve didn't feel right, but the congregation peer pressured me into literally ripping a 30-pack of toilet tissue from her arms.
I added the toilet tissue to my growing pile of household goods and sat down ashamed. I don't need a 30-pack of toilet paper, I'm leaving Korea in 6 weeks and my toilet hasn't worked since November.
The service ended moments later, I gave the woman her toilet tissue back, kept the detergent and paper towels, then left to scold the same "friends" who ditched the service to begin with. I forgave them to honor the Christmas spirit.
My Christmas Eve ended at a convenience store where I ran into my friend Bum. After we went inside for no more than 2 minutes, Bum and I returned to his car to find a man asleep in the passengers seat. I thought Bum knew this man, so I got in the car. Bum thought I knew this man, so he got in too. He almost started driving when we realized nobody knew this man. There was a stranger sleeping in the passenger seat of Bum's car. We kicked him out to the tune of drunken slurs and Bum drove me home. A unique end to a unique night.
Merry Christmas everyone. If you need detergent or paper towels send me your mailing address.
